Single again, but definitely NOT LOOKING

I've been reading the This Fish Needs a Bicycle blog off and on while at work, and was inspired by the long history of this woman's life to start my own Singles Life blog.

I'm single right now, and have been for a mere three months. Actually, if you count from when my now-ex-of-9-years made the announcement that he'd officially come to the conclusion that "we'd be better off as friends", I've been single for seven months.

Our breakup was a pretty decent one compared to most - with no kids or illnesses to make the transition more difficult, we just pretty much went seperate ways. The house is about to be sold and my Ex really *does* want to 'be friends' but I'm not "there", myself.

In truth, I don't really "want" much these days. Depressed, you could say... or just adjusting to a new life and a new future, I guess.

I'm glad to say, however, that I have two excellent friends who have helped me a lot during this difficult life transition. Friends who were there before the break-up became official, when the negative relationship energy was beginning to crest and I needed an escape. Friends who then held me and told me wonderful things as I cried in a confused haze of a revoked future.

These days, I live in a two-bedroom apartment with two cats. I have a decent job at a company that treats me well and pays me well, too. My family is well, and I have friends who love me to the point of dropping everything if I need help RIGHT NOW. I'm relatively fit and have been working out 2-4x a week for enough years that it's a habit, and the social group I work out with holds me in high regard.

Life is pretty decent when spelled out this way.

But then again, despite all of that, I'm extremely cynical about Long Term Relationships, commitment, love, and even attraction.

I guess this is normal after the demise of a long term relationship in which life-long commitment was touted over and over, only to be discarded when he finally came to terms with the fact that I'm not his little Dollie, able to be manipulated and forced into any scenario its owner sees fit.

I'd like to say I'm not bitter, but that'd be a lie, obviously. It's this reason I have not put one foot forward towards dating or any of the pre-dating rituals. I know I need time to heal these gouging injuries.

I wouldn't be surprised, however, if my ex is engaged or even married by the time our one-year physical seperation date arrives in the fall of 2007. I don't expect he'll necessarily end up in a happy relationship but happiness has never been one of his life goals.