Dinner with D

Dinner last night with D was great.

He picked me up at just after 6 and we headed straight to an Italian restaurant near my place without delay. If I would have put more thought into the whole 'what to eat' situation, I would have suggested we drive AWAY from the center of the city, but by the time I paid attention, we were long headed TOWARDS the center.

The restaurant was packed by the time we got there, even though it's only a Thursday evening. We ventured into the bar with our pager, and I pondered on which alcoholic beverage to order.

D ordered red wine, and after a bit of pondering, I ordered a Caesar.

When it arrived, it was garnished with a big stick of celery and a wee-plastic-sword kabob consisting of a pickled onion, three thin slices of pepperoni, and an olive. Sometimes the differences in garnish on a Caesar makes me want to set a goal of ordering Ceasars at every restaurant I come across, just to see what THEY garnish it with.

After about 20 minutes of chatting about life and recent events and our immediate plans for the next few days, our pager lit up and our hostess showed us to a table in the corner.

When we sat down, I took a quick glance over the food menus (for some reason, there were two, so I concentrated on the one with the least number of copywritten and trademarked components mentioned) and then moved my attention to the drinks menu.

Such pretty pictures on the drinks and dessert menu's...

I decided on a "girly drink" - a cherry-and-pineapple-juice-with-bubbling-wine drink.

And then I turned to D and told him I was glad he wasn't into "girly drinks" himself. Or "chick flicks". Maybe I'm just a snob, but I always felt a little creeped out by the fact that my Ex loved both girly drinks and chick flicks MUCH more than I ever did. I mean, maybe if I were more of a "girly girl" I wouldn't have noticed it so much, but I'm so not anywhere near being a girly girl.

As often happens when I'm with D, our conversations turned to relationships and love. He's been a bit of a sounding board over the past 6-9 months when it comes to me trying to understand my wants, needs, and limitations, and he appreciates being able to speak openly with me about his own feelings of love and admiration.

Often, however, I'm reminded of how very different the two of us are - while we're good friends and are interested in each other's lives and he's been a solid emotional supporter during a very difficult time, we've got very little in common. Certainly, if the stars were lined up differently and we were able to make a "go" of something more than loving friendship, it would end in a very nasty, ugly way.

Or maybe in a passive-aggressive way, since that's more my nature.

At any rate, I've decided that when I do begin to consider dating again, a guy who is obviously feeling serious heat for my best girlfriend is going to be shown the door. There is, after all, such thing as too much reality in a physical or verbal sense.

Single again, but definitely NOT LOOKING

I've been reading the This Fish Needs a Bicycle blog off and on while at work, and was inspired by the long history of this woman's life to start my own Singles Life blog.

I'm single right now, and have been for a mere three months. Actually, if you count from when my now-ex-of-9-years made the announcement that he'd officially come to the conclusion that "we'd be better off as friends", I've been single for seven months.

Our breakup was a pretty decent one compared to most - with no kids or illnesses to make the transition more difficult, we just pretty much went seperate ways. The house is about to be sold and my Ex really *does* want to 'be friends' but I'm not "there", myself.

In truth, I don't really "want" much these days. Depressed, you could say... or just adjusting to a new life and a new future, I guess.

I'm glad to say, however, that I have two excellent friends who have helped me a lot during this difficult life transition. Friends who were there before the break-up became official, when the negative relationship energy was beginning to crest and I needed an escape. Friends who then held me and told me wonderful things as I cried in a confused haze of a revoked future.

These days, I live in a two-bedroom apartment with two cats. I have a decent job at a company that treats me well and pays me well, too. My family is well, and I have friends who love me to the point of dropping everything if I need help RIGHT NOW. I'm relatively fit and have been working out 2-4x a week for enough years that it's a habit, and the social group I work out with holds me in high regard.

Life is pretty decent when spelled out this way.

But then again, despite all of that, I'm extremely cynical about Long Term Relationships, commitment, love, and even attraction.

I guess this is normal after the demise of a long term relationship in which life-long commitment was touted over and over, only to be discarded when he finally came to terms with the fact that I'm not his little Dollie, able to be manipulated and forced into any scenario its owner sees fit.

I'd like to say I'm not bitter, but that'd be a lie, obviously. It's this reason I have not put one foot forward towards dating or any of the pre-dating rituals. I know I need time to heal these gouging injuries.

I wouldn't be surprised, however, if my ex is engaged or even married by the time our one-year physical seperation date arrives in the fall of 2007. I don't expect he'll necessarily end up in a happy relationship but happiness has never been one of his life goals.