This Stuff Is Just For Me

Okay, I got some stuff done last night after being pathetically lethargic and playing entirely too many video games for the last week and a half or two.

After washing two loads of dishes and making room on the kitchen counter, I went out and bought groceries on my own for the first time in a long, long time. Not only on my own but just for me. For the first time, I bought chicken thighs instead of chicken breasts - I have no personal preference but when S (the roommate who just moved in with her fiancee) moved in with us years ago we moved away from thighs because S has some pecularities, and one is that she doesn't like dark chicken meat.

But, I bought it last night because on a per-pound basis, thighs are way cheaper than breasts, and with how I use them in my cooking (cut up, cubed, marinated, etc), I wouldn't be able to tell the difference anyway. At least that's the theory. We'll see if it's true after all of these years of chicken breasts and no thighs.

I took this opportunity to "experiment" in my shopping, as well - brands that S, who always went shopping with me, would skip over for whatever reason. A new brand of laundry detergent. Raspberry-smelling shaving gel.

I also pondered as I walked in silence, wondering how many days I could go without having to actually talk to anyone, now that I live alone. I remember once years ago when I was single before, not talking until mid-afternoon one day and then realizing at that point that my vocal chords were strained in some way and my voice was nothing more than a croak. It was a weird revelation at the time, for some reason.

I guess the difference now is that I own pets. Even if I don't talk to humans, I'll still talk to the furry creatures that greet me with such love.

That's not to say that there aren't humans that greet me with great love, but I'll get into that later.

Scalding myself on coffee, pondering life.

This morning wasn't a bad one, really, although scalding my hand with a hot cup of coffee in the office cafeteria wasn't all that fun.

The bus ride in to work was smooth, but looked like it was about to get snarled rather shortly as a semi trailer misjudged a turn and took down a traffic light on a main route into the business section of the city just minutes before we arrived at that light. We got through okay, but when I switched buses, I saw the police heading that way, and I knew traffic was about to slow down severely for a little while.

I was glad I didn't laze around and decide to go in a few minutes late today, because it would have been a few more minutes than I had been initally prepared to lose out of my hourly-paid pay.

Mornings are quiet these days, and there's no competition for the bathroom anymore which is very nice. I had a roommate over the past few months, but she and her fiancee have moved into a house, which leaves the entire two-bedroom apartment to myself and my cats. It hasn't been long enough for me to feel truly lonely yet, although I miss my friend's general company and the stories we'd share about our days when I sit here alone.

I've been alone here for under two weeks, but from outside looking in, I've been in a pretty sorry state in the past two weeks:

Eating irregularly.
Did the first load of dishes in a week today.
Washed bare necessities of clothes on the weekend.
Disaster-Area bedroom.
Disaster-Area living room with way too much cat hair.
Have opened the fridge 90% for a can of Coke (empty cans piled around computer), 10% for actual food.
Am afraid of what is actually IN said fridge.

I'm doing these things partially because I am depressed, but mostly because I'm exercising a freedom I haven't had in over nine years - to leave my entire abode in a state of disarray without impacting anyone else's life but my own.

My cats are very happy with the current arrangement, caring not of the mess. The human is home with them regularly and pets them, feeds them, brushes them and makes loving coo-ing noises towards them. And for the first time in nine years, they've got access to the human AT NIGHT, too. They're very excited when morning comes and the human awakes, as much cuddling and coo-ing ensues.

I have a lot of things to get caught up on after this week-and-a-half of steadfastly doing nothing.

And since I'm on my own for the first time in nine years, I've got a lot more to do than I've HAD to do for quite a while. It's all up to me now.

Finally.